1. All day breakfast

    All day breakfast places are proof that its OK to wake up at 3 in the afternoon.

    1 year ago  /  1 note

  2. I am not the adventurous type but skydiving is something that I am willing to try right before I am about to die. #yolo

    1 year ago  /  1 note

  3. Eskimo Kiss

    Certain people have a nose for certain things. Eskimos have a nose for the kiss thing.

    1 year ago  /  1 note

  4. Someone thinks my opinion is important.

    I just got the email that apparently my opinion counts. Thanks survey computer program at the Allstate insurance company you validate me.

    1 year ago  /  2 notes

  5. Fortune Cookie

    This ancient Chinese wise man must have been a Career Counselor by day!

    1 year ago  /  2 notes

  6. Impressionist Paintings…

    I love impressionist painting so much, anytime I see a painting that is not impressionist I say, “Hey Lets Monetize this!”

    1 year ago  /  4 notes

  7. I always thought Pepperoni had a strong odor, must be all the horse piss in it. 

    1 year ago  /  1 note

  8. Fixing up Dinner

    "Fixed up dinner" is American for I put a cold slice of Kraft Singles in between two slices of bread.

    1 year ago  /  2 notes

  9. Hairy issues…

    So much hair in my asshole, I started using Head & Shoulders. Now there’s a Troy Polamalou sticking out of my asshole.

    1 year ago  /  0 notes

  10. Web Developer walks into a bar

    So a web developer walks into a bar, sets a cookie on the table and looks at the bartender.

    The bartender says, “Unrecognized Cookie Format! What do you need?”

    1 year ago  /  4 notes